At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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