I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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