end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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