hotel room ftw
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
