remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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