I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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