So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
