We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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