I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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