R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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