Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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