in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
