I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
