Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
