don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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