i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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