Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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