Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
