Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
