Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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