I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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