I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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