Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
