no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We left an ass print on the piano.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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