its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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