I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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