Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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