I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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