Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
