we have pet lesbian snakes
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
