Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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