My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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