I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
