my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
