I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
