he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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