I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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