I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
