Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
