My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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