You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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