She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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