i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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