halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
