I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
