If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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