Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
