it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
