I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
