I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
nutella sex= disaster
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
