doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
