She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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