So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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