I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize