So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
