Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize