How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
