I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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