I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
