I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
