there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
