I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
