my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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