i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize