Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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