apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
