apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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