well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
