So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
