Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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