I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
