just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
