listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Less talking, more tequila
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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