I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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