I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize