All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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