then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
