my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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