it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize