My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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