i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
