1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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