Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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