I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
