in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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