Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
