dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
