maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
