Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
