he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
