Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
