Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
