1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
