pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
