Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
