Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
