my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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