i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
