Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
