what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
