This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
