Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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