dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
