In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
