I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
