Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
